It's amazing how after nearly 25 years I still know the words to a song from high school.
"Let's talk about sex baby. Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be."
I (kind of) tried not to listen to or repeat the words to that song as a teen because it was 'bad'.
But as a married woman, I finally had to learn that as couples we need to 'talk about sex, baby'.
It hasn't been easy. It is often uncomfortable.
It makes you vulnerable.
But for too many of us, the programming or conditioning that 'sex is bad' (or whatever other word you want to use) has carried over into our marriages.
Not that we necessarily believe that it is 'bad', but that we've become embarrassed, hesitant, or incapable of understanding or talking about sex even (or especially) with our spouse.
But avoiding talking about sex -- and avoiding sex -- comes at a cost that your marriage has to pay for.
That's because there is a direct link between the quality of your sex life and the quality of your marriage.
There is a direct link between your sex life and fulfillment in the rest of your life.
(This is exactly what we covered during our recent 'Sex Link' presentation with the Intimacy Secrets Summit.)
This missing link (The Sex Link) is the reason that SO many couples have responded so positively to our recent podcast episodes about sex and intimacy in marriage.
"I just wanted to say a huge THANK YOU for your recent episodes on the podcast about sex.
Greg's episode about the men's perspective was great and I left feeling like I had new insights about how my husband feels and thinks.
However, your follow-up episode... my goodness. I honestly felt like my heart and soul connected to your words on so many different levels. I felt like bursting out in tears- you get me!!!! You gave my heart words that my brain hadn't come up with yet. I've never heard anyone validate those points."
The Sex Series started with an episode that Greg had wanted to do for a long time -- but had been terrified hesitant to share -- a man's perspective on sex and why it's so crucial to him (and what wives need to understand about it)
But as soon as I listened to it I knew we needed to do a follow up 'Sex-quel' together to clarify potential misunderstandings with the women's perspective. 😉
And of course, it wasn't complete without an episode explaining what men need to know about their wives -- when it comes to sex along with everything else that doesn't seem related (to a man) but is directly connected to her ability to 'get in the mood'.
In our marriage we have struggled, misunderstood, blindly tried to work through soooo many of the exact same things you brought up (maybe even every single point you brought up). We both came into our marriage completely uneducated. Sex was not discussed in either of our homes growing up and you know how taboo and mistaught it can be at the church level. Many words that you brought up I do find myself triggered by simply the fact that they were taught to me in a completely confusing and damaging way. It's been so many years and I still haven't learned how to sort through them or how to form my own solid opinions about them, especially when they contradict what I was taught at church.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that episode was absolutely fantastic for me and totally helped me understand and realize parts of myself that I didn't before.
One of my favorite "ah-ha" moments was when you were talking about having so many tabs open in your brain that need closed in order to prepare to be in a state of mind to even think about sex in the first place. That has totally been a reoccurring frustration for us too!
My husband gets frustrated with me because I want to talk about all the (what he thinks are trivial) things that came up during the day when he's trying to initiate sex. He's always saying "This is the absolute worst time to talk about xyz right now! I am not going there." and I have thought "he's kind of right, why do I want to talk about xyz right now? But I'm just totally not in the mood to have sex and this is the first time in our day we've had to be able to talk!"
Now I understand that my mind is trying to close out all the tabs BEFORE it can open the new sex tab and I never have understood that about myself before now, thank you! Now that I understand that about myself I can communicate that to my husband and work on finding a different time previous to him initiating sex in order for me to close down the open tabs of the day. I think once he understands that about me it'll be a game-changer for him too.
These have been some of our MOST popular episodes and they have definitely received the most positive response from our audience -- with everything from 'this was an answer to my prayers' to 'this is the best understanding of married sex I've ever heard.'
I suggest you listen to them now. 😊
Episode #150: The Sex-quel: A Clarification Follow-Up with Rachel Denning (Don't miss this one after listening to #148)
Episode #151: What Husbands Need to Know About Their Wives
You guys rocked this one (Episode #151)!!! 100%! I can’t even tell you how much I loved this, every single thing! Thank you for just saying it like it is.
It's time to talk about sex.
Start now by listening to us talk about it!
And If you're ready to take a small step toward leveling up your life and marriage, then I recommend starting with:
(You can also watch the replay of our 'Sex Link' presentation with the Intimacy Secrets Summit.)